Whether you are married, or in a long term committed relationship, the roommate syndrome can happen to anyone. People change, circumstances change, and relationships evolve over time. The newness and excitement that is present in the early stages of a relationship will eventually fade, and reality will set in.
Once the relationship comes back down to earth after spending months in the clouds with crazy love and passion, it can be challenging to maintain that fire. Compatibility, good chemistry, and shared values and life goals will go a long way in keeping a relationship strong, and help prevent the roommate syndrome.
Here are 6 signs to look for if you think you might have become roommates.
1. You Have Separate Lives
Remember when you two used to spend hours on end together, sharing thoughts and dreams, and everything seemed magical? But now things have changed quite a bit.
You seem to be leading separate lives now, with each person pursuing their own interests and hobbies.
You may not necessarily dislike what the other person is doing, but you’re not particularly involved either. You find yourself coming home, maybe having a brief catch-up conversation, and then heading off to do your own thing.
This isn’t just about hobbies, though. It’s about the entirety of your daily lives. You wake up at different times, eat at different times, and probably even go to bed at different times. It’s as though you’re living together, but on completely different schedules.
That’s not to say that having separate interests is bad. After all, we all need our space and time. But if you find yourself living in parallel rather than sharing experiences together, it might be a sign that you’re more like roommates than spouses.
2. Intimacy is a vanishing art.
Kisses start to feel more like a courteous gesture, while hugs become less common. Not only that, but in-depth, heart-to-heart conversations are becoming less common. Do you recall when you could talk about anything? Nowadays, instead of talking about your dreams, talks focus on your daily tasks.
3. Communication Has Become Functional
Practical stuff is important, but your conversations should go beyond that. Your relationship should also include meaningful chats and surprises. When your talks lack depth and only focus on practical matters, it could mean you’re treating each other more like roommates than partners.
4. No Fighting
You both are just so polite to one another. Not that you should be screaming at one another, but no fighting means no passion and no fire.
When you become so detached from your partner that you cannot be bothered to have a disagreement, or you just stop speaking to one another because they annoy you all the time, you have checked out of your relationship, and you are just roommates.
5. There’s a Lack of Shared Goals
One of the beautiful aspects of being in a relationship is the shared journey. Having common goals, dreams, and ambitions can bring you closer as a couple. But what happens when you realize you no longer share those dreams?
Perhaps you have separate financial plans, or maybe your career paths have diverged. It could be that your life aspirations don’t align anymore, and it feels as if you’re both heading in completely different directions.
That sense of togetherness, the idea of “we,” seems to have been replaced with “I.” Your plans and dreams are individualistic, and it feels as if you’re just sharing a space rather than building a life together.
If you identify with this scenario, you may have shifted from a spouse mindset to more of a roommate arrangement.
6. Lack of Emotional Support
When life throws curveballs at us, we often turn to our partners for emotional support. But what if that support is no longer there?
Imagine coming home after a hard day at work, expecting some comforting words, a hug, or maybe a listening ear. But instead, you’re met with indifference or a casual “that sucks.” It feels as if your emotional well-being is no longer a priority for your partner.
Not being there for each other during tough times is a red flag. Emotional support is fundamental in a romantic relationship.
If you feel like you’re weathering your emotional storms alone while living under the same roof, it might be a sign you’re living like roommates.
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